HAPPY 2007

Wishes you Kaneli from all her heart.

Rock n'rule, people, just rock n'rule! ;)

JOLLY SEASON

Kaneli is sad again. Pissed off. Hurt. Tired. Doesn't feel like explaining too much. Who the fuck cares anyway. Well, if you would really like to know why, then ask me, heh. It was just a Hell of a day. By all means. Goddamned, voi saatana, prekleto!

The link posted below may be considered as sick and disturbing. And yes, it is sick, basically. Though here I am professional in various performative arts analysis. Film and similar media included. Also you probably already know I am able to overdo. I take things too bloody seriously. Even sick jokes. Even other kind of jokes.

So, you can say this cartoon you can check out below is just disgusting. Sick joke of some perverted mind. Yet as a graduated (oh my) professional I will take this thingie seriously. And I will dare to say it is possible to see beyond the sickness of this practicular cartoon. It shows very well the state of the world we live in. Sharply. Bitterly. Ironically. Oh, and of course it fits into this so jolly times.

People (including me), please be more nice and honest with eachother... oh, please do so, if possible...

CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

MY DEAR FOX

I adore foxes. Smart cinnamon-coloured little arses of the forest. I so remember this legendary puppet tv-show, very Slovenian one, folk tales and all that; now it's probably over twenty years since I have been watching it with joy. Do you recall Zverinice iz Rezije (Beasties from Rezija)? They so rule! There I met really great fox. Very special one.

Hei, by the way, how about putting such very cute and also very dead forest thingie around the neck? Oh, it must be proper warm treat for cold winter. Kind of pet-scarf that stares into the the world with glassy eyes...

Back to toy-foxes. Last summer in Helsinki, I think when I was on night walk to Korjaamo, I spotted one toy-fox. It was very soft and cute. While I was looking for some presents, I walked again all the long way to the shop just on behalf of this fox. Since the shop was so far outside fancy city centre, those prizes were lower; yet I found out practicular fox might be too expensive. At least in that moment. Of course I was sorry later. Small Helsinki fox would fit so nicely into every place I would put it. Meaning is beyond money, in some cases.

Now I finally got my very own fox. Like this one here. Oh, true, I also needed new key-ring; an excuse for those 6.82 € I have spent. Nothing to do with feasts and celebrations; it was lucky coincidence of finding the one. My treat to my selfish self. Now I just have to come up with suitable name for it, right?

TIME OF FEASTS

Today, I was given this lyrics to check out. It belongs to Finnish punk band Au Pair; listen to the exact song HERE. Hei, just do it, guys totally rock! Well, but since I take every single thingie in this life so bloody seriously, I have also noticed I am able to translate these words. As it can be seen. And yes, this is my first ''published'' translation from Finnish. Wow.

JUHLAT

CELEBRATION

Puhun asioista
I talk about things
joita en ymmärrä
That I don't understand
Kirjoitan sanoja
I write words
joita en käsitä
That I don't comprehend
Koko elämäni turhaan yrittänyt olla jotain
All my life I've tried to be something in vain

Olen humaani
I'm humanist
Olen empaatti
I'm empathist
Osaan nuoleskella
I 'm able to lick
tärkeitä perseitä
Important arses
Vaikka olen ihan vitun typerä
Though I'm so fuckin'stupid

Ja kahdenkymmenen vuoden päästä
And twenty years after
Istun läski isäntä
I'll sit, fat master
juhlapöydän päässä
At the festive table
Jos en sitä ennen ammu itseäni vahingossa
If I won't accidentally shoot myself before that

JOULUPUKKI

There are many of fake-ones, yet this guy here just has to be the real one. I give a fuck he looks the same as the rest of his fake kind. This is global-versus-local problem; I do not want to write essays about one huge beverage-company that has implanted red and white uniform just everywhere. I also do not want to preach how the whole Christmas-thingie has fallen into shiny pits of commercialism; we know this already, don't we? This original guy traveled all the way to Slovenia from KORVATUNTURI, Lapland, Finland, aaaaa!! Red-nosed reindeer Rudolph (or if you prefer PETTERI PUNAKUONO) runs fast and far; even faster and further than Finnair flies. Anyway, two of my friends went to meet him live. I was latter told there was too many people, so it was impossible to catch a glimpse of the one. Who also happens to be known as JOULUPUKKI.

So Santa, in this case by all means Joulupukki, is pure Finn. Oh, this practicular one actually did utter some good wishes in Finnish on the telly. Joulupukki came from his great cold distant homeland as part of some EU celebrations. Well, whatever. Let's take a look at the guy's name. Joulu in Finnish is Christmas, while pukki actually means a goat. This name is believed to come from an old Finnish tradition, where people dressed in goat-hides used to go around from house to house after Christmas eating leftover food. Also pagans used to have festivities to ward off evil spirits. In Finland these spirits of darkness wore goat skins and horns. In the beginning this creature didn't give presents but, beware, demanded them. The Christmas Goat was an ugly creature and frightened children. Life is cruel and it sucks, deal with it as soon as possible, yeah!

Today I happened to check out Finnish children's book in one big bookshop. Joulupukki, in Slovenian Bozicek, by Mauri Kunnas. Translated, of course. While flicking through the book, I found some additional information about Joulupukki's private life. Did you know he has a wife? She exists indeed. Did you know one of his elves has been previously working in South Finland (khm, I really wonder where)? And another elf has been previously working in Finnish National Theatre, oh my. There was also very nice drawing: Joulupukki with all his elves in a huge, so huge sauna... relaxing after this great annual task he has successfully completed.

Here I copy slightly pirate-punkish song that has just arrived to my mailbox:

Yo-ho, yo-ho, Santa walks the plank!
The fatty goes bloop, his hatty goes, too,
his sledge is on fire- YO-HO!!
His chokies we eat, Rudolph we beat,
all presents we plunder- YO-HO!

And for the very end, some very cliché seasons greetings in Joulupukki's so-to-be-told mother tounge:

Hyvää joulua kaikkille!

NANBUDO WEEKEND

Last weekend I had two good days. There was this International Christmas Seminar with Doshu Nanbu in Zagreb, Croatia. Seminar for the martial art I practice. NANBUDO seminar. Some Nanbudoists from our club drove to Zagreb with our sensei (he is also an excellent driver). First, some brief info for all of those who are not familiar with these kind of seminars. When an international Nanbudo seminar is going on in some country, Nanbudoists from all over the world gather there to practice techniques under the guidance of the founder Yoshinao Nanbu Doshu. Brief sightseeing, meeting people and most important: intensive practice. Learning directly from our main source.

Change is the only constant in the world. Doshu continues the development of his art, he changes and develops the techniques; thus seminars are very good opportunities to learn about those changes. For me, it is really interesting to observe this flow. Seminars differ in length too; there are weekend seminars as well as those which can last even for two weeks. Like the most important Nanbudo seminar in Playa d'Aro, Spain. Just imagine (just remember)... trainings on the sandy shore... twice a day...under the sun...

My first Zagreb seminar happened last year. And I have very good memories from it. Kind of special ones; I need to be more honest here. When I entered the seminar-dojo this year, I noticed how places one visits only every now and then can keep memories. The spirit of the past as it would stay in Zagreb seminar-dojo. As nothing would change from last year. Same feeling in the place. As some sweet shadows. As beloved ghost. Then, the training started... and those shadows vanished in the air.

This time intensive training helped me a lot to free my mind. For those two days at least. And this was the purpose: go, practice, sweat, do not think about the rest. Like the shit in life and all that. Huh, last year I was there in Zagreb with white belt, now I wear green. There is also something I started to think about. Okay, true, Nanbudo has changed my life. Severely in many ways. Yet... my spiritual development... khm, I really wish I would be more mature. As my belt has changed rapidly, my spirit should... or at least I wish it would change more than it has so far. I was also thinking a lot about my impatience. Sometimes during trainings I just want to rush too much. Why, I do not even know. I should gain more patience. I should be more precise.

Nevertheless these four seminar trainings with Doshu have given me some push. Like more energy and will I have been lacking these days, at least considering the practice. Heh, my life still sucks, but in DOJO I must try to keep my mind free as much as possible. I have to move myself... by all means.

A BOTTLE OF KOSSU

No big neither profound words today. This is an ego-entry, pure egotistic emo, I warn you. And perhaps I am writing from one sudden moment of despair. I have realised several times I am a person that is overdoing situations. Hei, afterall I have studied drama, right? But seriously. I can react very emotionally on some small things as well as I can torture myself for a long, too long time, thinking stuff over and over again. How I fucked up and all that. I am a highly educated person with several awards (oh my, what the fuck), I know there is no point in constant self-torture. What has happened, has already happened. Oh, and this highly educated self-confident person just totally sucks in communication. Despite she has studied drama (dialogs). And despite she is able to write such magic dialogs that can really amaze public (at least so she was told).

Some things just do not pass away that bloody easily, no matter how much I try. Convert, change, move further. Stay cool, stay cold, stay calm. Do your work. Live your life. Walk the path. Feel zen. A flower falls, even though we love it. A weed grows even though we do not love it.

In this case, time is everything that moves. Nothing else, just the time moves. Without proper, decent, not that bitter solution. I try so very hard, but nope, no go, still no go. No matter how much I try to be aware of the danger I might be overdoing situation again. Overdo in the sense that I see things much worse than they actually are. Yep, I really seem to be a master of various scripts; well, they are all doomy-gloomy bleak. Though sometimes things really hurt, and that's it. Things just hurt. No overdoing, real pain. Reality that sucks. Deal with this pain yourself... okay, yes, but how?! I cannot no longer. Such samurai I am. Yet I guess those samurais were also not very skilled when there was some simmilar emo-shit going on...

Huh, shall I now drink all that Kossu vodka - SALMARI I still happen to have in my cupboard...?

FALL OF THE SNOW

It snows. It always snows. The winters are long in our parts... (From theatre play Reykjavik)

The weather here has been just awful. It was like 15 degrees Celsius during last week; in the evenings, to make it even worse. Whole Saturday, pouring rain. Water everywhere. Hei, it also seems people are becoming neurotic because of the weather. This is not natural. It should be winter already. Will we soon celebrate an Australian-like Christmas, everything green and warm, those commercial red-dressed-white-bearded-gifts-bringing guys sweating under the sun? While walking I have spotted some spring flowers; yellow primroses. Women on Ljubljana's main market are selling bouquets of white hellebore; another spring flower.

Within some other conditions, today it would be snowing. All day long. Soft white silence in the air. I miss snow. Slow and lazy, but still so persistent falling. It can fill me with melancholy; I wonder how would I feel this year when seeing snow again. Okay, the prognosis now promises colder and more wintry-like weather for the week we are about to start... Huh, by the way, I totally dislike rain falling on snow during winter. That cold rain melting with snow on the ground, as changing everything into itching ice that bites deeply into one's heart... brrr. Soft silent snow whispers different stories.

Too many strange winters has already happened. As one of my friends said last time, this remarkable absence of the snow has started in the eighties. I so remember those first non-snowy winters. Later, constant worries if it will snow or not. Last year snow was early and the winter lasted really great while, true. Proper winter it was. But this year again the weather is turning strange. Yet what now seems odd could become totally natural and acceptable within some years...

Goddamned GLOBAL WARMING.

THERE WAS AN AIRPORT

I am slightly shaking here. I have got an idea for something. Out of some past events in my life, out of some current thoughts and deeds. Out of strong feelings too. Shall I whisper my idea to you? Well, it could be stolen, this Internet is one horrible place, right? Of course I trust you, my dear friends; but you know well how this very public space works. However, some time ago this image of an airport appeared. And some people. That's all I will reveal now. But so far I have noticed all of my plays have started with an image. Strong image. That just does not want to disappear from my head. It can stay there for... years, even. Whit my very latest play, first there was an image of a guy in a desolated Icelandic hut. After three years and loads of some events, I have completed my latest play. That guy in the hut very much included.

Yet I won't start writing this night, no. Too early. On this stage I only hear a couple of dialogs within the image of this practicular airport. I am afraid it might be a bit too boring. Only dialogs. Perhaps I have just got an idea for a radio-play... or a movie. I would like to make (better to say to write) a movie one very distant day... Well, I will see if anything at all will finally be born out of this airport-image I feel now so strong.

I will stay here shaking. Thinking stuff over and over again. I feel lots of tension these days too. Oh, I would travel, I so miss some people... I have been feeling down and depressed again... Saatana, but it seems this overall tension can at least provoke some creativity.

LETTERS NEVER SENT

Today I went to see a stage reading of one American play. During the play something occurred. Not on stage, though. All of a sudden I have started to cry. Watching the play, tears pouring down my cheeks quietly.

I have realised it was not the play that made me cry this evening. The play was neither that bad nor that sad. My thoughts were elsewhere, I did not even follow the play as I should. Self pity sick? Nope. Becoming an EMO? Oh, c'mon! Speaking seriously now. Some things are turning slightly too bitter... and that is what has caused the tears.

I remember a great performance I have seen in Helsinki. Performer LOIS WEAVER (in her show called Tammy) asked her audience, if we have ever written a letter we have later decided not to send. I usually do not feel like talking about my private life and my troubles infront of theatre audience, yet in this case... Lois (well, Tammy) seemed really kind and warm. Or perhaps I just needed some odd comfort, heh. Yep, Tammy, I actually happen to have some letters I have never sent. Lois said she would give me her e-mail address later, should I send those couple of letters to her. That is theatre; she has never given me her address. Too bad.

So those letters have remained unsent. There is just too many letters never sent in my life. Good as well as bad things. People I miss and I am afraid to tell this to the people. Wishes. Observations. Feelings. Decisions. Things I am so afraid to utter: should I tell this or not at all? Will I fuck things up (no matter how fucked up they already are) if I utter this? Now again it seems I am facing some very hard decision... so hard, not a pleasant one in this case... totally suitable for a letter, perhaps...

What on Earth should I do?

Oh, prekleto!

TODAY'S LYRICS

Flogging Molly
ANOTHER BAG OF BRICKS

T`was in the early evenin

`Near the presence of the moon

You told me you would meet me here

Well now is not too soon

This dagger twisting in my back

Tells me I never should

Have trusted everything to fall

From beggar to fool

I see your face like every race

A serpent with two arms

Devouring me while rains the sun

With dreams in foreign lands

This cold dark tormented hell

Is all I`ll ever know

So when you get to heaven

May the devil be the judge

With another bag of bricks

I scratch your name across these walls
And with my blood turns red
Then drips upon my killing floor

Where I now call my bed

No precious light to harbor

Like so many here before

Now breathes a thousand more
With another bag of bricks
Temper filled with blindness
Leads this lost and lonely man
Dragged around your whipping tree
A scourge you can`t command
So deafen me with silence
Drown me with your roar
Scowl me with your hollow eyes
Still burnin` to the core
No door will go unanswerd
Like so many closed before
No vagabond to knock upon
This tired and beatin` war
When all return to exile
Free from all once bound
Decline and brawl old parasites
The truth will yet be found

Hei, dear people, so what kind of lyrics makes you cry?