Saturday, September 23, 2006


The Fake Finn
People on the road happen to ask me something, every now and then. Like where is a street and so on. They talk to me in Finnish. It happens also in the shops. So, do I look like a Finn? Or better... I seem not to be much destinctive from the Finns around. Well, I must addmit, I am sort of happy when I am ´´mistaken´´ for a Finn. And I really do not want to write on my national identity at this moment. What my own language means to me - this is different. I am really, really proud to speak Slovenian, this small and so special language. But what my country means to me... I'll repeat, I don't want to write on this. Like this, so with being accepted as a Finn, I can have some short conversation in Finnish; at least I get something, I mean, I understand. Fuck this, I am proud that I am mistaken for a Finn!

West meets East
I remember how we were tripping to shop in Italy or in Austria. In the eighties. At that time, there was, for instance, a lack of coffee... or a lack of chocholate... in late Yugoslavia, I mean. So we poor Easterns were tripping behind borders of the rich West. And there was like... everything. Goods. Sweets, coffe, clothes, pencils, school-bags... whatever. Oh, that taste of Milka chocholate from those times... never the same now, when Milka is like totally everywhere. For us, West was as a promissed land.
Times have changed. Regimes have changed.Consuming society and comercialism.
Finns regularly trip over the sea. To the East. Short trip this is. There is Estonina. The capital Tallin.From Tallin, the Finns return with huge packets of alchohol. Food. Clothes. Goods. Well, drinks mostly.All of a sudden, poor East seems a paradise for rich West. Things that they almost can´t afford in their own country, for Finns seem to be more than avaliable in Estonia. Promissed land. Milka.And prices of the food and drinks in Tallin are really low, I must addmit. Low even from the ''poor Eastern'' point of view.

Emotions, part one
Today, I went to Hämeenlinna. Small town with a medieval castle. There happened to be a medieval fair as well, and there was one lady sellingher crafts. So I heard this lady telling on emotions. I guess she was talking about Finnish men. ´´My husband has severe difficulties when it comes to expressing emotions. Once I asked him to write down ten reasons why he loves me... he managed to write two...for him, it´s really so difficult to express any emotions.´´

Emotions, part two
Yesterday on the boat I saw a young Finnish couple, in their very early twenties, perhaps. She huged him, she kissed him... but he just stood there. As cold as ice he seemed. I don´t totally think there was something wrong within that practicular couple... or maybe. It´s just the fact that she seemed to like him a lot, but he remained so cold. Latter, I saw them sitting on a bus together, that was okay, but when they got off, he didn´t wait for her; he went walking ahead.

Emotions, part three

Tänä viikonlopuna olen ollut niin yksin kuin hiisi metsässä.

So far, I did all my trips here alone. Totally alone. Well, I have a very nice room-mate, but she is in another course, different tasks, work during weekend. And at first, I enjoyed this lonelyness. Or at least I thought I would enjoy it. But now... it seems to hurt as hell. All the time I do something wrong. I accept wrong decisions, I choose wrong ways, wrong restaurants, wrong shops... I would really need somebody beside me. Cause I know there would come a time when that somebody would need me as well within these trips. Somevody, who would tell me- hei, don´t do this, this is not good, you´ll take a wrong decisions... like ´´more heads know more´´... but no, I am totally alone.I have traveled half a world on my one... dear god... really...
Yes - I have friends. It is just that my friends happen to have busy lives... or different plans, jobs and so on. Money is also big problem; I have had a lot of luck with all these scholarships. Yes, even for Iceland Hallmar Sigurdhsson got a ''cultural'' support for me...
Well, I really hope me and my friends will manage to agree once and travel together somewhere more far away.Now, I am fed up with this lonelyness. I am too old for it or something; I remember that in the past, I coped quite well travelling alone. But now... now this lonelyness hurts. Oh I am so sorry that it hurts.

Shitty Lonely Planet
Yes, Lonely Planet Finland seems totally shitty. It recomends fancy and expencive restaurants, expencive trips, not enough information... I used to be more satisfied with some other Lonely Planet editions; on Iceland, for instance.
As it is written in my shitty Lonely Planet - Helsinki are the kahvi drinking capital of Europe. Like that the Finns drink great amounts of coffee. Since I got here, I have noticed, that I also drink more coffee than at home. I can easily sleep even after a coffee here; actually, sometimes I have severe difficulties with keeping myself awake.
It must be something in the climate, really. No wonder that the Finns drink so much coffee.

Today, it is exactly a week from a great trip to Kurjenrahka national park - kansallispuisto. Today, I remember this trip with... melancholy and a bit of... longing. Hard for me to write more on this, actually.

Niin kuin ihme tämä retki oli. Kiitoksia taas, suomalainen ystäväni!

Kaneli-omena. This is the taste of the city. So, cinnamon-apple. Strange, but visiting some other cities, I noticed I had been missing Helsinki. Funny relationship we have, Helsinki and me. First it was a big love, then I just couldn't stand living there; I had to get out, if I only remember my first week. Then I felt good in Helsinki again. Then I had to get out again. And so on - many times. There and back again.
I miss Helsinki again.

Vana Tallin
The drink I brought from Estonia. Via Finland I brought it home. Drank this Vana Tallin in Finland, drank it while waiting for the train in Vienna. Sweet and tasty. Small bottle it was, very, very small... nevertheless...
Yep, it seems this writer here has started to drink. Oh dear.
But my life has not been that sterile, no matter how all this looks like. I didn't want to drink from...many reasons. I really don't want to write on that reasons; who cares, anyway. I had this plan I will slowely start to taste alco. And so I did. I still cannot drink vine, though it is considered to be very healthy... at least in reasonable portions... but destiled alco, that goes quite easy.
Like it or not - I feel a bit better after a few sips. Well, bitter truth... or not that bitter.

Sweet as Vana Tallin.
At least now I know how to drown down my sorrow!


Finland has the fifth best drinking water. In the world. That's totally true. The tab-water in Helsinki tasted so fresh. So cool and clear.
From Raisio, I happened to bring home some water in my Estonian plastic bottle. Non-intentionaly, to be precise; on the road, I bought some juice (to get some C vitamin) and I did not drink that much water.
With that remnant of Finnish water, I have watered my plant.

Jäniksen vuosi
All of a sudden, I happen to have a bunch of books in Finnish.
I don't want to tell how much I've spent on them; I guess it is still better to buy books than some other stupidities. In case of buying books, one feels less shallow. One feels less shallow even in case of writing about books. These are books in Finnish... this is almost the highest not-being-shallow point. One also feels less shallow if this one is able to understand such special language. So that this one can go and buy books in this practicular language... and so on. Now I have some nice Finnish books at home. Two textbooks, two dictionaries, a Finnish grammar, and one Paasilinna. To repeat - in Finnish.
I started to read The Rabbit's Year today. I could really learn on irony and humor from Arto Paasilinna.

Get a life
I am trying to.
Trying hard. I have been trying to get a life all the time in Finland. Now, I will try to continue.

On missing
Totta puhuakseni - minulla on ikävä Suomenmaata.

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