Tuesday, September 26, 2006


The photo shows how a Nanbudoist, the one who trains Nanbudo, should not wear her/his Nanbudo Gi, the kimono. Thus meaning the white T-shirt, which can be clearly seen, being longer than the upper part, clumsily hanging out.

Just behold it. So clumsy. Careless. Ugly. Not the right way of wearing a Nanbudo Gi. The T-shirt should be put under the pants to be hidden properly.

Since I am criticising myself here on the photo, I could be even more mean. The photo has been taken this July on the beach of Playa d'Aro, Spain, during the main Nanbudo seminar. Well, I actually have a green belt now... but all that does not really matter here. It is something else I want to write about. I managed to do a row of quite nasty mistakes there in Spain. Thus bearing in mind not only the T-shirt, but some other, perhaps even more ugly stuff. So, thoughts have emerged. Doing it right, doing it wrong. I guess one's life is restricted with lots and lots on rules. Almost every second, one has to be more than aware of her/his actions. And so, there happens this constant am-I-doing-it-right? feeling. This constant fear. When one comes to the point of realising, she/he was actually doing things wrong, though she/he has been thinking things had been done totally right... well, this is shitty.

Once I was told there is no rule for an emerge of a good relationship. Things should happen naturally. However... still one has to do something, that the good relationship appears, right? Not just stand still in silence. Stand in silence and smile, that would be slightly better.

One has to interact. One has to communicate. And then - how to interact and communicate? Mistakes can be done far too easily, without even being aware one is actually doing a huge mistake.

The road to Hell is made out of pure good purposes. Far too often.

Mistakes are more than willing to show their effects. Nasty consequences and all.

Within one's trying hard, there is always this doing-it-right doubt. After a bunch of punches and kicks (meaning this symbolically, not as those real Nanbudo punches and kicks), one starts to lose the sisu.

Punches and kicks have to be, though. How else one could learn doing it right? After being hit badly a couple of times, one should be able to realise the defence is not-done-right.

Is it better to try hard doing-it-right, despite the risk of a painful punch or a painful kick, despite the risk of failing, despite the risk of doing-it-wrong... ? Or is it better to sit, think what should be right... and not try anything, nothing at all?

From several reasons I feel much better if I wear the T-shirt under my Gi. Now, after wearing it wrong, being told that I had done it wrong (as well as seeing this photo), well now at least I have learned how to wear it properly. How to do it right. And it feels great!

Still, it is much more easy to put a T-shirt under the pants than try to fix some other, more serious mistakes...


kaneli said...

Me just would not be me, it seems, if I would not complicate so simple things. Always. Either I do things too quickly, and so I fuck up, or I think far too much before doing anything... and so I fuck up again.

These days I have also been thinking a lot again what have I fucked up just perfectly in the past. Eh, shit. That's all I can say right now.

kaneli said...

''Minä olen minun Helvettini.''

kaarlo-hermanni said...

You have quotes in "I am my own Hell". Where have you quoted it from?

kaneli said...

Dear Kaarlo-Hermanni, here I am quoting myself. Selfish indeed. :) It is a sentence I wrote in my old Open Diary; the exact date of the entry is 12.6.2006.

Heh, now when I have been reading this practicular Open Diary entry again, I have spotted I also had written ''I am an enemy to myself, it seems; if I have to fight anyone, I have to fight myself.''

However, ''I am my own Hell'' is a pharaphrase of Jean-Paul Sartre(1905 - 1980). French philosopher, writer and playwright.

Sartre's probably the most famous play is Huis clos (Suljetut ovet, Zaprta vrata, No Exit). Highly recommended!! In this play, Garcin utters: ''Hell is other people.'' (L'enfer c'est les Autres.)

Sartre does not actually ''hate'' other people... this thought is connected to the responsibility human being bears within the interaction to others. According to Sartre, there is no moral norms. Human being creates her/his own moral, when she/he comes uppon a choice. However, one has always bear in mind Others too. First, there is only existence; at start, human being is nothing. The esence has to be sought and created by human itself. One is what this one does.

If one is mean... the society will recognise this one as a mean one. And even when the society forgets the mean deeds, one still can feel the bugging of her/his guilt. Facing the society as well (and the most)when facing her/his self.

Really rapid and superficial Sartre-explanation this is; better to check the links out...