Tuesday, June 12, 2007


Her city has become too full of memories. There are places memories have stuck on. As ghosts memories dwell on those spots. Places in her own city she would not visit again. Spots she avoids to pass by. Yet she has to, sometimes, as there is no other way or option. Then, the ghosts awake and start to invade her as she passes by. Thus, she tries to rush, she does not look around at those spots. The ghosts spread melancholy anyway; still she cannot avoid them.

She has noticed those ghosts years ago. But it was fine with her. Just a sting in her hart it was, nothing more, when she passed the places by. She got used to small stings in her hart; perhaps she did not even feel them no longer. Nevertheless it happened so that one day, there was just too many of those places. Events, connected to those places were just too important for her. Events, people, faces, things like that. Stalking her, whispering her, looking her quietly from thin air, repeating actions again and again. Too many ghosts.

To go. To move herself. Yes, she has to do it. She has to leave her home town, too full of memories. Start a new life somewhere away. No memories; of course some will follow her, but they might not be that strong anymore. Just some small stings from one distant place she would not care about. Eventually, she will forget. Ghosts will disappear.

Her new city. With no intimate history. She can visit all the bars, she can eat in all restaurants, she can go wherever she wants. Life moves on. Yet at one point... and this is what bothers her. At one point, things will start to change again. Memories will start to pile; she knows that more than well. First, there will be small stings only. But later... stings will grow. Into ghosts. Again. New ghosts of the new city.

Would she run away again? Away from her new city, away from her new life, away from those new ghosts that might appear. How many cities would she thus leave behind? What can she do, eh?

Some memories within intimate history are indeed too hard to deal with. An overall change might help. New events might fill the void with unknown joy. Old ghosts might transform into more pleasant images. Those new possible ghosts she might be even able to fight with much more courage.

It is her inner growth that will transform the ghosts. Here, anywhere. For sure, there is always herself she cannot escape from.

No comments: