BURN THE REMEMBRANCE

Not in the training today. Viruses just keep bugging; they have managed to cause one lovely overall weakness. My mind also affected. So I will try to rest. And write.

For some time I have felt an urge to make kind of resume of the year just passed; I just could not make up my mind how to put things down properly. And perhaps I still cannot. Whatever. I can say my 2006 was a hell of a year. By all means. Very good and very bad, with some success, and with failure. Oh, in a poetic way I can write my inner worlds were burning. More than years before, I guess. Kept burning. And you know that fire can be so nice, cosy and pleasant as well as it can be dangerous, destructive, and it can cause pain... with such many-faced flames my worlds have been burning. I can be so creative. And so destructive too.

Memories. Making a resume of some past brings out various memories. Once I have found out those good memories start to hurt me if the present has turned different. Like if the present is dull, empty, bitter. In general I somehow cannot look back on something that once was good with sweet remembrance. The lack feels too big, the missing too strong. Remembering some good past cannot make my reality better. Such remembrance makes the present looking even more sad, oh my.

Changes. I have always had troubles with those. Well, not if the situation changes for better. If the situation turns better, I can remember bad things that have passed with no harm, thus thinking over my development. But if things turn different, for worse, more bitter, then... I just cannot recall all the good that has passed without feeling that sting in my heart. In this case, the gap between what once was and now does not exist anymore, that kind of a gap and all those memories burning within it... well, that hurts as hell.