THE TIME FOR SUMMER MUSIC

Tuska, Helsinki 2008

June in Finnish is kesäkuu and since kesä means summer, June is thus summer month. And so it is, regardless strange weather, sunny 28 degrees one day and then rainy cold of barely 7 degrees the other day within the same week. June in Finland represents the beginning of school holidays and the time of summer festivals; the time of open-air, live music which lasts all the long way to August. There are so many rock-and-metal festivals and Finns is summer are a festival nation.

This year, I am looking forward to at least some of these festivals, but I am also waiting them with slight excitement... and there are some reasons. For the first time I am not going to be the audience, but I will belong to the festival crew... eeek, sure I am a bit scared! :D

KANELI ON THE MOVE

Hei, dear all. Lots of things has been going on lately... so there was no time to write proper posts. Actually, I do not have much time at the very moment either. My room is a mess, things allover, bags, books and boxes. Also, I have not found proper words, how to write this down, it is quite a big thing for me. It took me some time to decide. I am emotionally aroused. Thus, this post will be a bit abstract, without some more concrete facts... Well, I am excited. So it has been for the last weeks. I am moving.

The fact is that I am going to start my MA studies. In another city. And yes, a month ago I have received a notice saying that I will be given a scholarship. I have been preparing quite long for this event... yet the emotional part is the toughest to overcome. Saying goodbye to my dear people, saying goodbye to regular trainings of Nanbudo in my club. It is not easy for sure. But on the other hand, I am looking forward to the new experiences. Just keep it simple. I really cannot find proper words at the moment.

When am I moving? Already this Monday, 27 August. I am moving to a student apartment where I am supposed to have the Internet. However, I do not know when I will manage to establish normal connection, so I will be offline for some time.

Alright. Above you can observe a photo of a rainbow I have taken some time ago. I send you all this bright colours. For now, my friends and fellow bloggers, I wish you all the best.

KANELI'S JOB

Hallo, dear people! Finally, time to write some more. I was busy as Hell these days. Fuck, lots of pressure. Some tears, too. Okay, I am still busy, but at least one job is done. You know what has happened?! I have actually earned some money with my humble knowledge of Finnish! Yey! Proud Kaneli I am! At least something good came out of my dealing with this language...

The radio I am working on has come up with one project. Presentation of European languages. One week for each language. Live show with chatting in Finnish and four theoretical editions. Last week, I was writing as crazy. Finnish language, alternative Finnish music, Finnish theatre. Also, I had to do an interview with a real Finn.

There was quite some organization to do. Not only that I was reading everything myself. That was nice as I like to do this radio-reading. Anyway, for the interview, I asked a young Finnish man living in Ljubljana. For the live show, it was a bit harder to find a proper person. Finally, I contacted a young Finnish woman from Keski-Suomi, Mid-Finland. Great. Kiitos to both!

The written parts. It was very hard to tell about all specifics of Finnish in... only half an hour. While I was dealing with theatre, I was shocked as I realised that Reko Lundan, interesting young Finnish playwright, has died last October. This is so sad news...

However, my dreams came true as I was finally able to do my own half an hour programme on alternative music. So, my favorite part was this alternative music...

The live show. It happened last Monday. Chatting in Finnish, translating into Slovenian and vice versa for an hour. The listeners were supposed to guess, where in Finland our guest was. Well, I was slightly afraid of this simultaneous translating as I have been learning Finnish for the last two years only. Thus far, I have never done simultaneous translation in Finnish. But, Hell, I did it well. Very well indeed, prekleto. It was so much fun.

I guess now I am officially an active speaker of Finnish.

CRAZY FOR PIKA

Här kommer Pippi Långstrump,

tjolahopp tjolahej tjolahoppsan-sa

Här kommer Pippi Långstrump,

ja, här kommer faktisk jag.

So far, I have not written anything on one fact. I have been given a job. As most of the jobs in my artsy professional field, it is a temporary project; yet the fee seems quite nice. And what is my task? I have to travel within Ljubljana-region (which is pretty big) and visit regional meetings of children's theatre groups. Kids as actors, teachers as their theatre directors and so on. I have to sit in the auditorium and watch a row of children's production. Then, I have to talk to keen teacher what they could do better, how the theatre is actually done, what are the basics when creating theatre...

First working trip happened last Wednesday. And yes, it seems already the task will be serious. There is this row of productions to watch; the observation needs to be precise since I am also entitled to do final selection for one bigger regional meeting. Second, I have to teach very keen teachers. Errr... here, some older ladies can prove quite special handle-with-care case when it comes to discussion. Okay, understandable. But it also looks like older grammar-school teachers have not change at all within the last twenty years. All in all, first working day took seven hours. Some time of watching, some time of discussing. And I was tired at the end. Such collaboration whit people, concentration on the words said, discussion... it actually requires lots of special energy. One feels empty at the end. Exhaustion is one charm of working life.

One thing is that I do not work every day. This trip was the only in February. However, in March, those trips will be more frequent, even following one after the other, and I will have to switch various places. It is also okay the work has actually something to do with the thingie I have studied. Well, I would also not mind doing something which does not include dramaturgy... but still. This was offered to me and I accepted the thing; there are not additonal exams required, and my BA is enough.

Since I am dealing with children's theatre, I was also warned that I would soon see many variations on Pippi Långstrump (Pika Nogavička). Too many. Well, Pippi was one of my favorite books when I was even more childish than today and I am happy that she, rebel and feminist role model, is immortal (literally), but nevertheless... Yep, within my first working day, I have already seen one...

THE ALTERNATIVE SPEECHTIONARY

The radio where I occasionally work in Arts and Culture Department has come up with a project on European languages. It seems I will be involved into the project as well; but more on it when there will be actually done something. However, today, a jingle for the project has had to be recorded; kind of advertisement which will try to attract the listener's attention. This is an alternative radio station, so things are always done in a special and by all means recognizable way. Same goes for today's jingle.

Quite some of us radio-collaborators were called, and we all had one thing in common: at least some basic knowledge of one particular European language. More rare as well as more common languages we represented. And we were there only to... curse.

It was very interesting to hear this cursing set of languages, from Serbian, Bulgarian and Hungarian, to Italian and Spanish. Oh, again I found out how Finnish and Hungarian are so very different, despite sharing Fenno-Ugric roots. Anyway, when I uttered my Finnish line, the Spanish representative (non-native speaker) burst out laughing, and asking what the Hell that had been. ''It is beautiful. It sounds like there would not be cursing at all.''

Well, it was also very interesting for me to hear the record of myself while speaking Finnish. Huh, perhaps I should fetch my dictaphone and start practicing this recording? Oh my... and oh my again. I just hope there are not many Finns listening to this radio. When I returned from Helsinki in September, my spoken Finnish was much better, I think. More softer, more proper. Now I mainly read and write. Okay, and I do listen to quite some Finnish-singing bands. Sometimes, I also meet Finnish native speakers that live here in Ljubljana, I do talk, but still... as the overall environment would be the one giving that more proper sound. Ljubljana's Finnish is different that the one I was speaking or trying to speak in Helsinki and elsewhere in Finland.

Here is my cursing contribution. I won't explain the whole jingle-story behind it, since I was only the actor. But I am happy my very basic Finnish skills are slowely getting useful; at least somehow and in some way. Just do not be offended on behalf of the words below... this task was all about languages - and having some fun.

Voi vittu, sä oot yks mulkku jätkä, ihan typerä äpärä, mene ja opiskele suomea, perkele!

Fuck this (oh cunt), you're one fuckin' scumbag, totally stupid bastard, go and study Finnish, devil!

ONLY RABBITS AND WRITERS

Yesterday I completed one quite small but on the other hand quite sweet task. I wrote a book review. To be broadcasted on the radio. I hope I did it successfully. Well, I will get my feedback sooner or later. Nevertheless this little task makes me proud. Yeah, right, I give a fuck if I am overdoing it. As a dramaturge, I have already written some book reviews, whereas those were all books on performing arts. More or less my field. I have also written theatre and dance reviews; loads of them. Writing on stuff which has to do with performing arts is nothing but my profession.

However, the review I wrote yesterday is not on performing arts. It was on a novel. Pure literature. Perhaps I should give the title here: Dedu za petami - Searching for Grandpa - Isoisää etsimässä by Arto Paasilinna. Fresh Slovenian translation. Okay, the original seems Finnish. And so it is. Just please do not think I went totally nuts and crazy since I am writing something about the mentioned land again. I have always been a freak; but this is actually not the case in this post. Back to the book now. I happen to like Paasilinna. As many other readers do. I was even trying to read him in Finnish. Reader-friendly by all means (and in both languages): simple stories, interesting and so nicely odd characters, lots of humor and irony. As well as this traces of melancholy he includes. Decent entertainment indeed. After I have spent at least some small amount of time in Finland, I dare to say I have got slightly better insight into Finnish society and the landscapes Paasilinna writes about. It is special tunnelma in his writing. The atmosphere one cannot even tell about; one just has to feel it.

Sure it was fun to write this review. Oh, you might have started to wonder about the discussed book. Quite okay, yet not that okay as those most famous works of Arto Paasilinna. Not that good as Zajčje leto-The Year of the Hare-Jäniksen vuosi, for instance. Perhaps it also needs to be marked here that Searching for Grandpa is actually not one of the latest Paasilinna's books; it was written back in 1977.

Some time ago I have had this crisis. Like that I did not feel as writing any kind of reviews. I mean, in a way I felt kind of empty, without proper ideas and especially without some theoretical backup. Fuck this artistic apathy, I said, be more active; it's all about this special laziness. Of course I am capable of writing several different thingies; if I only decide to tackle them properly. I just have to give myself a slight push, I have to wait for the silence of the night, then I have to sit down and start writing...

THERE WAS AN AIRPORT

I am slightly shaking here. I have got an idea for something. Out of some past events in my life, out of some current thoughts and deeds. Out of strong feelings too. Shall I whisper my idea to you? Well, it could be stolen, this Internet is one horrible place, right? Of course I trust you, my dear friends; but you know well how this very public space works. However, some time ago this image of an airport appeared. And some people. That's all I will reveal now. But so far I have noticed all of my plays have started with an image. Strong image. That just does not want to disappear from my head. It can stay there for... years, even. Whit my very latest play, first there was an image of a guy in a desolated Icelandic hut. After three years and loads of some events, I have completed my latest play. That guy in the hut very much included.

Yet I won't start writing this night, no. Too early. On this stage I only hear a couple of dialogs within the image of this practicular airport. I am afraid it might be a bit too boring. Only dialogs. Perhaps I have just got an idea for a radio-play... or a movie. I would like to make (better to say to write) a movie one very distant day... Well, I will see if anything at all will finally be born out of this airport-image I feel now so strong.

I will stay here shaking. Thinking stuff over and over again. I feel lots of tension these days too. Oh, I would travel, I so miss some people... I have been feeling down and depressed again... Saatana, but it seems this overall tension can at least provoke some creativity.

RADIO OF IMAGES

Wanna know how I spend some Sunday evenings? There is a thing. I run radio show about theatre. Live. Thus meaning I sit in the studio and speak ''on air'' for half an hour once every month. Well, it is not like some big salary here; I do this show more for fun, to use my theatre-knowledge in sort of constructive way. Also, this is no serious job, I am not tied to it or anything. Yep, but I like to perform... there is some kind of special thrill and magic in this live acting. I also like to appear ''smart'' in public. Errr... however, after an amount of these shows, I now manage to enjoy all this.

Today it was the Sunday for my show. The radio was dark and almost abandoned; only a few people hanging around. Well, not actually hanging; you know what I mean. And one never knows, are those few people really sober or... slightly high on something, hehe... or just slightly bored of everything. Okay, to underline this oddity a bit here. When coming there, I was given a strange Japanese thingie, supposed to be a mushroom soup concentrate. Little shiny bags. With hiragana or katakana written allover it. Do I dare to try it, heh?

To the show now. Inspired with some past thoughts one can observe in previous comments of this blog, I have decided to tell the audience about ROBERT WILSON. This American theatre director was my great ''love'' during studies. Theatre of Images by all means. Yet not hermetical: understandable and funny. Critical. Also not shallow; at least those earlier works. By the way, photos here are featuring The Black Rider. Hei, the guy used to be pure avantgarde... nevertheless his later fame has thrown him into the glamorous pits of commercialization. Sadly. But as an occasional theatre historian, I just went nuts for this theatre. Even after some years my fascination is still present. Oh, Wilson is a cult. If one prefers precise visuality, profound visual structures with additional wit and really good music, I suggest to check out Robert Wilson. Suitable even for not-at-all-theatre-fans. Probably the best what has come to the world theatre from Texas. And there is also something I discovered on behalf of Wilson. Yes, he knows how to get the audience. With some great and well known musical names. To expose here PHILIP GLASS (Einstein on the Beach) and TOM WAITS (The Black Rider, Alice, Blood Money). The two I have chosen to play in my show.

So I ended today's radio job. Hell, I don't know how many people feels like listening blah-blah theatre stuff on Sunday evenings. That one dreamer features every now and then. Who cares anyway... I went out into so warm night (what the fuck, it should be snowing already), the streets were lonely (at half past eight, well, whatever), ghostly silence was floating in the air, some pale stars were twinkling between creepy clouds... and there was that Japanese mushroom soup rustling so strangely from the depths of my bag...

THE FAKE FINN

There is this big annual Ljubljana International Film Festival LIFFe going on right now. So I spend quite a lot of time watching all sorts of movies these days. My escape from the shitty reality? In fact I have managed to pick up some movies that recall my own reality a lot more than I would like.

A cute incident occurred this weekend. Since I like to dramatise small and selfish events, I have to write on this one too. The new Kaurismäki's product Lights at the End of the City (Laitakaupungin valot) is about to be shown soon. I went to the LIFFe information desk, curious if director Aki Kaurismäki himself plans visiting Ljubljana. To tell the audience about his work and other interesting thingies. Like those fancy Marimekko bags.

Behind the desk sat an English speaking lady; obviously a foreign employee. ''Is Kaurismäki coming,'' I ask. ''No... but some of his actors, perhaps. Are you from Finland,'' the lady inquires with slightly strange enthusiasm. Huh, it happens again! In Helsinki I was mistaken for a Finn quite often, thus meaning conversations on the street and in the shops. People were asking me for the road and so on. In Finnish. There was also a guy trying to talk to me while Magyar Posse gig. In Finnish. Well, he was drunk pretty much. And yes, I had lots of fun pretending I really am a native; through the usage of language, of course. Oh, now I miss those streets, I would so travel up to Finland again. But in Helsinki and elsewhere in Finland these mistakes were natural. Can I distinct foreigners while walking around Ljubljana right away? Yet Icelanders seem to have special gifts. In Iceland they immediately knew I am a foreigner. In Finland the story was different.

Back to the info desk now. ''No, I only speak Finnish,'' I answer to the lady. I usually do not feel like boasting around I know some Finnish, but at that time I did utter the fact. To Hell(sinki) with modesty, right? And in this case, the result came out quite useful. The lady was excited, she requested my phone-number. Hei, the festival might need a Finnish-speaking somebody. Just might, but nevertheless.

When it comes to work, would anyone be rather interested in the fact I am also a graduated dramaturg? Being able to speak a bit rare language (at least some basics with occasional and unintended spelling mistakes) proves again to be more useful. It looks like one has to constantly advertise her/his all, but really all capabilities. Even at the most akward moments.

ICELANDIC TOILETS

This is it. Today I have been given my papers. Not the exact papers; just a temporary thingie that proves me to be a graduated dramaturg. I will receive the very fancy printed diploma within a ceremony on the 3rd of December. Oh.

Bloody Hell, Jumalauta, prekleto, I don't really know what to do! Where to turn, where to ask for a decent job. I would just need a nice job until next summer. Something to get over these long months. Errr... let me dream for a short while... In an ideal world, I would get a coasy office somewhere. On an embassy, for instance. A coasy office where I could deal with artistic/cultural affairs considering our little country. How about Slovenian embassy in Finland, Helsinki, eh? Just to sorta put together linguistic interests with my true profession. And yes, some dramatrugs do end up in offices.

Stop dreaming now, dear (oh my, I dream about an office!). Well, I have some really serious plans with my future, I surely do. I am aware of my talents well enough - and I won't reveal those plans right now. There is just this practicular amount of time infront of me... However, for these months... dear god, I am so affraid of these months now. For that tourist guide thingie I should do a heavy (and expencive) exam, and if I would pass it (since many people has to repeat it and pay again for it, that is the whole point), there will be no work for my (humble) Finnish skills until April 2007. So it seems.

Some time ago I have heard this radio broadcast. It has spoken about my dear Iceland. Like a presentation of the country it was. There was also a talk about foreigners living as well as working in Iceland successfully. I clearly remember the story of two Latvian girls, let's call them Ilona and Alise. Both graduated in economics, beware. And why have young Ilona and Alise actually come to Iceland? To clean toilets in one hotel in Reykjavik! Yep, cleaners with BA in Economics. I really respect any honest job in this world, I do not have problems with that. The money is what I talk about here, of course. Anyway, I do not recall the exact euro-number of their salary... nevertheless those girls earn much more for cleaning toilets in Iceland as they would at their Latvian home in case of dealing with the stuff they have studied for. With their BA. As Ilona and Alise have said, they had been coping very okay there in Reykjavik. Yep, the number of their salary was nice and high indeed, for Slovenian conditions as well. I guess for other European conditions too.

Cleaning toilets in Iceland... in Reykjavik... so how about that, eh?

Ég er villtur. -> I am lost.

Ég er að leita að almenningssalerni. -> I am looking for public toilet.

Snyrting -> toilets

NUMBERS AND FACTS

My BA in Dramaturgy as told in numbers and bare facts (random).

1 day: 20.10.2006
1 grade: 10, I totally do not care for grades, but since it is so high... hehe...
1 new play: Severna pravljica (Northern Tale)
120 pages: 77 of those is a play, the rest is the play's explanation
50 euros: for binding the thesis into a book
dark blue covers: see the photo
silver letters on the cover: see the photo
4 years of actual studies: lectures, exams and practice
2 years of thinking

6 years of studies as a whole: 4 active + 2 passive

2 awards: for playwriting

59%: according to one Finnish source, this is a percentage of people having serious mental problems among writers and playwrights (hehe, I have never forgotten this chart I have been sent a year ago)

nerves, nerves, just too much of nerves: see the overdoing section
life sucks
communication skills: these suck as well
1 trip to London: just don't mention that
1 trip to Iceland: well, that was nice
2 trips to Finland: minun on vaikea kertoa siitä

salmari
salmiakki: have eaten some while writing, njam njam
sisu
Kalevala
fucked up relationship(s): errr...errr... friendships included...errr...
sleepless nights
walking alone in glittering winter nights: do I need to explain?
sitting on the sandy shore, staring at the sea: do I need to explain?
emptyness: just overall
feeling self-pity: with pleasure
overdoing: always and everywhere

sensitive: I am very and by all means, this is the price I have to pay for being an artist, I guess (or vice versa)

1 new pair of sweet black boots: a gift I have given to myself, I feel really hot in them, hehe
Finnish language: motivation
movies: quite a lot of these, actually
Tenhi: inspiration, lyrics and atmosphere
Magyar Posse: inspiration, atmosphere
Katatonia: inspiration, lyrics
My Dying Bride: inspiration, lyrics and atmosphere

Korpiklaani, Flogging Molly: ocasional more jolly stuff
missed (metal) gigs
Mumonkan Zen Stories: there is neither wrong nor right way
self-confidence: yep, now it is slightly higher
3 Principles: Chikara da, Yuki da, Shinnen da
7 Forces: tai ryoku, tan ryoku, handan ryoku, danko ryoku, sei ryoku, no ryoku, seimei ryoku
Nanbudo: energy, creativity and special happiness by all means

GRADUATION

My dear friends, I have a sweet secret to reveal. Totally my style, to hide away from the rest of the world, just to deal with some stuff alone. Well, sometimes. Since I am not in the mood for writing any letters, I will just use this blog. And yes, now I will reveal this secret in totally overdone theatrical style. Just behold! Today, on the 20th of October 2006, I was given a title...

Univerzitetna diplomirana dramaturginja

BA in Theatre, Radio, Film and Television: Dramaturgy

My thesis was rewarded grade 10, excellent, the highest possible grade a student can gain at the University of Ljubljana. So now, dear friends, you can congratulate me... finally, right?

Finally, it all went very quickly. Within two weeks; only a week ago I was given the date of my graduation exam. Then it became frustrating, the paper work, design, printing of the thesis and all. Nevertheless, now it is done. Done forever! Well, my private life still sucks by all means, but at least I have passed my graduation with honours...

I am actually the very first, beware, the very first Slovenian dramaturg who wrote ''only'' a theatre play for BA Thesis. A theatre play and a dramaturgical explanation, to be precise. I really wanted to write a theatre play for my final thesis. At least something useful I managed to do: who the fuck wants to deal with that boring theory all the time? Can one put some boring theory on stage, can one make a decent whole-evening entertainment for people out of a plain theory? Nope! So I have been writing a bit longer. Today, I was told that it is perhaps better to write longer: then, better thesis is completed. Good for gaining some further scholarships this highest grade could be. And as two of my total three mentors have also said: as a playwright, I had successfully proved Slovenian dramaturgs could be... creative. I am among those who started to pull the walls down. The old and rotten walls of prejudices; the prejudices that a Slovenian dramaturg only reads other plays, only reads and writes... theory. Yet, the revolution is about to happen! Dramaturg can be and has to be creative artist! Prekleto!

However... no matter how proud I have been at the moments of my graduation exam... there has this huge question appeared. What to do now, dear BA in Dramaturgy? I did follow my heart when I had to choose my profession, I did not think about jobs and all at that time. I have graduated, so what now? It looks like there is no suitable job here, for instance. Except that tourist guide thingie, but that actually does not have much to do with my true profession. So here I am, an outstanding student, a proven and graduated writer/dramaturg with a shitty private life. What to do now, eh? Errr... a sip of salmari, perhaps?

For conclusion, time for some more self-pity. Yep, I feel sad and empty. Like that I have been thrown into a void. Perhaps things will get better and I will throw a graduation party eventually... it would really be so great that all of you, my dear friends, could attend this party... but now I just feel so sad and empty.

PLAYING THE TOURIST

Today, I was supposed to go for a trip. A whole day trip to Bled and Bohinj. Two lakes, mountains and that stuff. If there will be a place in the van. Finally, there was no place in the van left for me, and so I stayed here. Perkele! The weather today is really fine. I have also felt a bit depressed in the past days; I would really need to free my mind with something totally different. The trip would be all about future job-possibility, though. Would one ever get a decent job as a dramaturg? Heh?

It seems I have been given an option to use my Finnish language skills. This big Slovenian travel agency has been looking for Finnish speaking people being interested to work as tourist guides for the Finns. And there is not like lots of us, Finnish speaking Slovenians. Thanks to Finnish teacher Matti, I received an e-mail. So I answered to this mail, got a phone call, and went to the meeting.

First, I have to follow some tourist guides doing their job. Too see how things go. If there is a place in the van for me, of course. Nevertheless I have already managed to participate in one trip - the Ljubljana sightseeing.

An experience indeed. There was a group of approximately thirty older English-speaking tourists. A young Slovenian lady as their guide. It was very good for me to see how a guide actually works - but it was even more interesting to hear all that touristic stuff about my country. And my city, the capital. Well, those tourists happened to utter ''oooh'' and ''aaah'' quite often.

Oh, did you know Slovenia is the only country in the world that has a word love within its name? How sweet! Well, Finland as Suomi has suo, the swamp...

I really like to travel - with Lonely Planet in my bag. I like to see the cities, I like to get some stories about the cities, even more I am fascinated with the nature. I also notice something when I happen to live abroad for a longer period. I always want to feel the spirit of the city. I start to feel it, then I sort of melt with it. Playing the local. In Finland, for instance, this being-a-local went very well... even unintentionally.

Back to Ljubljana sightseeing. Living all my life in Ljubljana... I have spotted some touristic stuff I have never heard neither thought about. I have seen my city in a different light. I have heard some facts I have had no idea before. For some moments I have felt as I have also been a foreigner. I have started to observe Ljubljana with the ''eyes'' I usually use when travelling abroad.

Oh, did you know we have our main square named after our greatest poet? Not some soldier or a politician - a poet. We seem to be so poetic, arts loving nation. How sweet! (Weepers we are indeed - and drunks too.)

Now I will see how my ''career'' as a tourist guide will continue. Can't say more on this yet. If I want to get an official license, I will have to attend a pretty hard exam. History, geography, ethnology. But I would really like to make my Finnish skills more useful. And get some additional income.

Few days after the trip I went to take some photos of Ljubljana. Playing the tourist. But still... I have never been really attached to my city. Neither to my country. Your home is where you feel good, I once was told. And I feel good in some other places as well.