KANELI ON THE MOVE

Hei, dear all. Lots of things has been going on lately... so there was no time to write proper posts. Actually, I do not have much time at the very moment either. My room is a mess, things allover, bags, books and boxes. Also, I have not found proper words, how to write this down, it is quite a big thing for me. It took me some time to decide. I am emotionally aroused. Thus, this post will be a bit abstract, without some more concrete facts... Well, I am excited. So it has been for the last weeks. I am moving.

The fact is that I am going to start my MA studies. In another city. And yes, a month ago I have received a notice saying that I will be given a scholarship. I have been preparing quite long for this event... yet the emotional part is the toughest to overcome. Saying goodbye to my dear people, saying goodbye to regular trainings of Nanbudo in my club. It is not easy for sure. But on the other hand, I am looking forward to the new experiences. Just keep it simple. I really cannot find proper words at the moment.

When am I moving? Already this Monday, 27 August. I am moving to a student apartment where I am supposed to have the Internet. However, I do not know when I will manage to establish normal connection, so I will be offline for some time.

Alright. Above you can observe a photo of a rainbow I have taken some time ago. I send you all this bright colours. For now, my friends and fellow bloggers, I wish you all the best.

SLEEPINESS AND MANIA

During Metal Mania 2007

Today, I have felt extremely sleepy. I cannot even say why. However, I have not been writing for a couple of days, yet some things have been going on. Short post it will be, I reckon, as this odd sleepiness still bugs me, making my eyelids feel like steel, transforming my head into a heavy stone. At the very moment I cannot even distinct reality from the bits of drowsy dreams evading me constantly...

Let's try to write something nevertheless. Last weekend, I attended Metal Mania Open Air. The name sounded promising, despite this was a very small metal festival in Slovenian Littoral Region. I aimed at some good bands - and especially at a good company of my friends. Metal Mania is actually not a proper, serious festival. We found out it had been more about drinking. Merely a crazy drinking feast for metal fans, live metal music playing in the background instead some folk-music-kind-of bands that would attend a similar village feast. So, some of us did not approve such overdone drinking... as the behaviour of some drunk people was too overdone. Spilling sticky drink from the plastic bottle all over innocent people that just happened to be around, pushing the same innocent people on the floor, some of them even happened to fall into the muddy puddles... I mean, hello, get a life, that was just too much.

Thus, Metal Mania did not posses that overall festival feeling for sure... and that was too bad. Anyway, at least the bands were good. I can point out Norwegian black metal 1349, Serbian The Stone and Slovenian Dekadent. I am really happy I have finally seen Dekadent live - they could be headliners by all means. The fact that it was raining for both festival days seemed almost irrelevant. The greenish rainy landscape was great, as we would be camping somewhere in Ireland. It was just that overdone drunk behaviour that threw shit allover the place.

OLIPA KERRAN SUURI METSÄ

One upon a time, there was a big forest...

Deep forests, my deep love; I have already been writing on this theme. Last year, exactly a year ago, on 12 August 2006, I went to hike totally alone in Nuuksio National Park near Helsinki. Trees, lakes and swampy area... This forest trip means a lot to me. It has been among the best trips I have had in Finland last year. I hiked about twenty kilometers and it was great. Thus, I have decided to make a tribute to this trip and publish a few photos from Nuuksio. The memories will last...

READING MARATHON

While some of you might have had an exciting times lately, my life has been pretty quiet. At least it has seemed so. For the last few days, there has been only one thing going on. I have started a reading marathon.

I have never been serious trend-follower. If there was something very in at one time, I would rather place myself in the distance; I guess there is a bit of alternative-artsy attitude. Kind of trying to avoid commercialism and all that. So it was with these very famous books. When all were reading them, hardly expecting the next in the final row of seven, I was not a part of that excited population. This is just special me. If there is some mania going on, I would stay in the distance, yet I would knew what it is all about. I knew basic info on this particular mania, too. I knew some characters, I knew the basic plot, I even knew some lines. And yes, I would check what it was all about sometime latter. Bits me, why. That special me. Anyway, there are books we are talking about - and such overall reading-mania should be respected. Much better for the kids (and adults) to read rather than stick their noses into computer or telly.

Now, the time has come. I have started to read HARRY POTTER. From the very first book. In English.

The first two books required approximately two days; now I am already well ahead with the third one. Things will change slightly when starting the fourth book, you know how thick it is - and onwards. However, it has been very relaxing so far. I have really been missing such devoted reading. All-day reading, being so absorbed into the story. And do not blame me for neglecting Slovene translations. I enjoy reading in English.

I wonder when this marathon will be finished. There are things I will have to tackle that seem much more important than the world of Harry Potter. Well, I have been in Snape-like mood lately, too. It is quite possible I have deliberately charmed a few escapistic days for me. But hei, despite autumn is approaching, it is still summer... and it seems I will spend a part of it at Hogwarts.

IN AUGUST

First day of August has filled me with... some feelings I cannot even name properly. Several of them, I could say. ''One person can't feel that much at once, they'd explode!" Well, I also think I do not have an emotional range of a teaspoon. My life might change quite at the end of this particular month. I will keep this still in silence, for now. But I am restless... anxious and all that.

The second thing is that I was thinking a lot about relations again. Human relations and communication. I was thinking about strong bonds between people - those strong bonds that are suddenly broken. Well yes, break-ups, or friendships that stop functioning. Things like that. Like one would be in contact with some person for some period of time, one would share a part of a life with the other... there would be phone calls, letters, visits, dates, whatever. Then, things would change. One person very present would become one person very absent. Why this just happens, how it just happens? These changes. From love to hate, from intimacy to alienation, from friendship to nothing. I am old enough, I should get used of things passing already... emotions passing... of the fact that the change is the only constant in the world... yet such facts hurt me. Either if I observe them in my surroundings, or if I experience them myself. Alright, of course it hurts me more when it is all about me.

Some absences leave the feeling of emptiness. They leave words in mouth, words that will, perhaps, remain untold. Stories you would like to share, thoughts, feelings, events. The habit of reporting on yourself to somebody is broken. The habit of sharing the life with the other is gone. The habit of knowing how the other is doing, this is gone, too. At one point, break-up of whatever kind of relationship can feel as a relief, even as an end of suffering. Still, after some time, the missing can appear. Well, while one misses, the other perhaps does not care that much or... whatever. But at least one can feel the lack. The feeling of emptiness, the feeling of absence. A wish the communication would be back. And doubts, how the fuck things could function again...