SONCE...

... je danes poležavalo na naši trati.

FLUNSSA JE BEDNA

Rada imam Finsko. Itak. To jesen se, vsaj teh štirinajst prvih dni, počutim nekoliko bolje kot lani; vsaj teoretično. Začela sem pozabljati gospodiča iz južne Finske, imam novo stanovanje, delam kot prostovoljka v Lutakku, treniram aikido, hodim v šoping. Kar ljubko.

V ponedeljek pa me je Finska presenetila s posebnim darilom; mimogrede, menim, da mi je slednje podarjeno mnogo prevečkrat v celotnem letu, tako da ne vem, ali naj ga razumem kot dar ob dobrodošlici ali kot pač dejstvo, da ga, oziroma jo, moram dobiti. Prehlad, tokrat v kombinaciji z angino. Ali pa je bila najprej angina, ki se je razvila v prehlad, ja tako je bilo... kakorkoli, finščina take zadeve preprosto poimenuje flunssa. Jaz pa flunssa perkele.

Začelo se je v ponedeljek, ko je šlo tako ali tako vse narobe. Japonščina ob 8:00 zjutraj, kjer sem rekla kore wa watashi no kaban desu ka namesto kore wa dare no kaban desu ka. Potem hlače, ki so se obupno skrčile, čeprav sem jih prala s hladno vodo po programu ročnega pranja. Pa finščina, ki je bila tokrat dolgočasna. Uro pred treningom aikida sem ugotovila, da je nekaj narobe z mojim kolesom; popacala sem si prste s strojnim oljem, nato pa odpeljala kolo naravnost na servis. Temno-čokoladna mehanika iz Sudana in njun arabski šef so bili prijazni, čeprav so se takrat, ko je bilo v popravilu moje kolo, do njih primajali trije pijani Finci in se obnašali rahlo rasistično. Blah.

Napaka na kolesu je bila vseeno odpravljena, lahko sem se odpeljala na aikido. Tam sem skoraj obupala nad tehniko z lesenim mečem in kasneje s palico; vaja itak dela mojstra, ampak ne, če se vajencu pripravlja angina... Zvečer mi je potem še crknila žarnica delovne lučke. Končna ugotovitev: za vse sranje celega dneva verjetno obstaja le en vzrok.

Flunssa. Tako se je začela in se vlekla čez cel teden. Vem, da obstajajo mnogo hujše tegobe kot je navadna angina s prehladom. Vendar menim, da je vsak posameznik samosvoj in zaključen univerzum z lastnimi lestvicami težav; na tej je bila moja angina uvrščena visoko. Mah, flunssa on perseestä.

Dobra stran nje je bila, da sem brez slabe vesti lenarila doma; slaba pa, da sem zamudila aikido in bila nasploh brez volje. Pač flunssa. Še dobro, da so bili v našem supermarketu papirnati robci z alojo vero ravno ta čas v akciji...

MIKSI TAAS?

Why again? Such was a headline one of the Finnish newspapers today. The other one, Helsingin Sanomat, wrote that the tragedy of Jokela happened again. This time, it was different part of the country, Kauhajoki - but the tragedy that has shocked Finland was similar to the one that happened not even a year ago. Massacre in school.

Today, it was a mourning-day in Finland. The flags were at half-mast, the general atmosphere felt depressed. Despite so sunny, shiny and warm autumn day. I was pretty much speechles when I heard the news. It's even hard to think about why such things happen. Like, a 22 years old student enters his school, finds a class and starts shooting. He also lit a fire, which was due to the newspaper fatal for the victims.

In a way, it's hard to believe this has happened in Finland, the second time. Such massacres were kind of American thing, as they did happen there, or perhaps one would place them into some other European country with higher rate of criminal. And now it is Finland, more or less calm and friendly Northern country with high life-standards, organized healt-care and all that; all in all, wellfare society, and a peaceful land where people perhaps tend to be more self-destructive than destructive towards others.

According to the article in HS, the student that did the masacre was giving the impression of an ordinary young man, perhaps quiet, but not lonely; totally pleasant guy, who also had friends. But finally, he put on the internet some material in which he spoke about hate towrards people. He killed others, and he killed himself.

The surface can perhaps hide the inside. Like that people do not show what they actually feel. Psychotic and caotic mind that needs help can be thus hidden away. In my opinion, Finns actually do not talk a lot about their emotions, yet they can also open their souls after some time. They can also explode after a while, long whiles of silence - and yes, perhaps that can be destructive. The anger can be kept inside for too long...

On the other hand, perhaps the people that sorround these potential killers do not notice changes within the temperament of their friends. Sometimes I find this society too self-orientated, like too busy with everything else but others. Things are said and seen just from the surface. People are not lonely, yet they can be lonely within the crowd that interacts with them. Hard to explain again; perhaps more careful attention towards the other is missing as self is, even subconsciously, put on the first place too much.

The fact that Finland has suffered two school masacres in less than a year is still shocking, and I cannot find answers why such things happen right here. I am also a Finnish student, and thus I might not feel that relaxed wihle spending time in the university anymore. However, the state of the whole world is not that good: with simple words, the world has gone crazy. Now, Finland has been struck. The future feels uncertain, fear and grief have entered the society. But finally, such bloody story can probably repeat everywhere in the world...

All in all, it is just sad beyond words.

SYKSY

kuulaina öinä syksyn
kajo täyttää taivaan hohtoon
sarasteen koittaessa
taivaanlaki ylle kumartuu
huomenen tervehdyksen
kaikuessa aamuruskoon
pimeän selänteen kääntyessä
takaisin suo meille yön tummuus
loisteeton päivyt

Tenhi

Kanelikirja on kaksivuotias. Onnea, ja kaunista syksyä!

Cinammon book is a two-year-old. Beautiful autumn to my dear friends and fellow bloggers!

FLATS AND MATES

It's quiet Saturday in a quiet, almost sleepy student campus. I have been thinking how this new campus I have moved to in June is much more calm. I have also been thinking about my previous year here in JKL. My studies had started, I had moved from my parents place. First time in my life I had started to live on my own. Well, not totally on my own.

I guess those that were not confronted with the possibility to study in the place of their original being would probably experience these things I plan to write about much earlier. Anyway, Slovenia is also not Finland, students do not have so good oportunities to move away from their parents as soon as they finish high-school. If we Slovenians live close to the universities, we in most cases stay at home. Flats are expencive, scholarships are rare, and so on...

Last year, I was placed into a shared appartement; it was a small two-room flat. I had my own room, the bathroom and kitchen were shared with the flatmate. Never before I had been given the expirience to live with a person I had never met. People are put kind of randomely togehter, girls and boys are not mixed - and so one starts to live with the other one, like it or not these two have to share their everydays.

For me, and I guess also for every single one, such sharing can bring some nice and.. well, also not that pleasant thingies. I have found out what had made me a cranky shared-flat dweller, and decided to write it here. These are kind of general things, don't be tough on me if I'm overdoing...

- A small flat where kitchen table is placed right infront of my door.
- Flatmates visitors that sit behind that kitchen table and talk loud infront of my door.
- Flatmates visitors that are there when I don't feel like having any people around.
- Lots of visits.
- Unknown people that appear while I'm eating in the kitchen.
- Occupied kitchen.
- Having an unpleasant feeling when going home due to uncertain situation in the flat.
- Loud talking.
- Packed fridge.
- Smell of fried meat that stays on my clothes.
- Strange atmosphere due to personal problems.
- Putting personal problems too much on the other one; it's hard to help or listen sometimes.
- Old guys that dribble over young girlies.
- A boyfriend arriving at late hours at night.
- A boyfriend visiting for several days can become annoying, no matter how quiet and polite.
- Feeling that my privacy is too much observed or disturbed.
- Feeling sorry for not being tough enough and telling what bothers/bothered me.

People have different experiences in shared flats: I have heard some stories. Students are just put together, their habits differ, their characters differ, and in some cases, the cultures are also very appart. Forcing a friendship is perhaps not that good idea; in my opinion, the bond between flatmates grows, or it does not. However, I prefer sharing where my privacy is not disturbed, where I can feel relaxed and independant enough, and where lives of flatmates are not mixing too much.

Getting a one-room flat is, I guess, dream of every student here. However, waiting times for those flats are long. Meanwhile, we all have to learn how to be tolerant - with the other, and with one's self.

WHAT IS NEW IN JKL?

Moi! Time has passed since my last post. Well, despite I have been absent as an active blogger for a while, I have been all the time present in the blogosphere as a lurker, thus meaning a reader. Many things was going on, so this post will just offer some brief and random info on all events.

- I like to be back to some places after a while; there is always something new either in Ljubljana or here in JKL when I get back.
- New student year has started.
- So, I'm back to Finland after two months of holiday and pure laziness in my home country.
- Here in Finland, I am living in a new appartement to which I have moved already in June.
- At this point, I really like this new appartement.
- I have got a bike, and that gives me so much freedom.
- Since I have got my bike, I have also found out that JKL consists of many small hills. Eeek.
- I am continuing with aikido after that long summer break.
- I am also continuing with Finnish language course; now I'm in the highest level.
- I have ordered Helsingin Sanomat to get some news.
- I should rather read stuff for my studies.
- In my home country, I did some translation from Finnish. Still waiting for the money.
- I have a new laptop with Vista in it.
- It's autumn here, so called ruska-aika. Very beautiful, but also very cold.
- I cannot say my depression is totally gone, but I think I feel slightly better. We'll see, I'm rather careful with conclusions.